I've been thinking about death a lot lately. Don't get too worried about me. I'm too young for a mid-life crisis (according to Google) and I don't have enough money to enjoy one (according to my bank account). But death has been on my mind in a way that it never has before.
This is partly due to what I am teaching in my church. For the past few weeks on Wednesday nights, we've been discussing the topic of Heaven based on a few passages of Scripture. The brilliance of the throne of God in Revelation 4, the worthiness of the Lamb in Revelation 5, and all things new to come in Revelation 21 have been incredible to behold. But implicit in the entire study is the curse of death.
But even before this study with my church family, I noticed this new focus as I was watching a hospital drama with Hannah. Never before has viewing the passing of someone on television really affected me. But now, things are different. With each episode, I have been more presently reminded of the fragility of life and the loss experienced in death. Whether it's the thought of my own death or the death of someone I love, it feels like a pit in my stomach. The weight of the loss is unbearable to consider.
And that's what death is, right? A loss. It's a loss of life. It's a loss of loved ones. It's a loss of opportunity. It's a loss of hugs. It's a loss of laying in bed watching hospital dramas with the love of your life. This is why I am puzzled by how Paul describes death.
Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard-pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better.
Philippians 1:20c-23, ESV
I confess to you that death does not feel like gain. When that reality enters my thoughts, I flee in fear of the loss it brings. I have wrestled with this and will continue to do so. But as I've meditated on this passage of Scripture and others, I've come to a conclusion. Death ought not to be the focus of my thoughts, but Christ. It is the honor of Christ that is seen in the life of Paul and will be gained all the more in his death. When pressed hard between life and death, Paul desires to depart (through death) in order to be with Christ. Death has no sting in the mind of Paul because of Christ (1 Corinthians 15:56-57).
Until Jesus returns and removes death altogether (Revelation 21:4), it cannot be ignored. But it must not be the end of the thoughts of the Christian. Brothers and sisters, it is right to weep over the loss of death. But never without those tears being wiped away by our Savior.
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